wisdom. testosterone. and a little bit of bs

capital letters

Clash of the Titans 3D


I am not a movie critic. Nor do I express the desire to become one in the near future. But when filmmakers of the remake start to pull an R. Kelly on it’s audiences SOMETHING has to be said.

I don’t even know where to start first. Oh, wait…yes I do. WHERE IS THE 3D?!? Did I really just spend extra money on a feature that enticed me in the first place, only to see a handful of scenes ACTUALLY in 3D? At some point in the movie I snatched the stupid glasses off and watched normally. It’s gotta be a new plot to make people sit and look like asses with ineffective horned rimmed glasses on. Some producer is laughing his ass off as everyone becomes honorary members of the Geek Squad.

After realizing I’d been R Kelly’d (if you really have to ask, you should probably go lie down, its past your bedtime), I noticed something else: This movie is the “cliff notes” of the original in 1981. You know how you fast forward x 4 shows on your DVR? That’s precisely how it felt watching this movie.

To the average movie goer, It’s an dumb plot, slightly action packed CGfest. For me I felt duped, let down, my intelligence insulted, in other words, pissed on by the director of this film. I’ll have you know they actually made shit up totally incongruent with mythology.  Any fan or student of Greek mythology will let you know right away that Medusa IS NOT a Titan. She’s of the Gorgon familial. What? I wasn’t a muscle head all my life, I kept my head in books. Greek Mythology was one of them.

One more thing: In the beginning of this movie they narrate to you the relationship between the Titans and the Olympic gods. The Titans are the fathers of Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades. They even tell you that Hades created the Kraken in order to defeat the Titans. If someone can point out to me a Titan clashing against anyone in this movie, I’ll pay you cash.

If my memory serves me correctly I can name a few Titans. Kronos, Hyperion, and Rhea. They are a few of the popular ones not in this movie. This movie was essentially about Zeus vs Hades with a frigging lightsaber thrown in for good measure (no I’m not making that last part up).

I wish I had two extra hands so I could give this movie 4 thumbs down.

To Regal Cinemas, YOU FAIL SO HARD ITS INEXPLICABLE!  UPGRADE YOUR STADIUM SEATS AND HIRE PROFESSIONAL CLEANERS!  Movie theaters aren’t supposed to smell like nursing homes. And anyone 6′ft and above has no leg room.

~finis


All Caps


TYPING IN ALL CAPS IS ANNOYING, AGGRAVATING, IMPOLITE AND SIMPLE MINDED ISN’T IT? Then why is it that bahjillions of emailers, facebookers and twitterers find it so hard to release that ever elusive caps button? Its right there at the left pinky, I mean c’mon…

Capital letters are sometimes used for typographical emphasis in text, but there is a distinct difference between emphasis and yelling at the top of your lungs (which is what a letter or post in all caps implies). I usually give people the benefit of doubt initially, assuming that the caps lock is stuck or broken. After that,  my imagination kicks in….

*Breaking news*  Caveman discovers facebook, twitter and myspace:

Wilma: Rock Eater, you’re so funny. come over to my cave

Rock Eater: YOU SMELL GOOD ME COME TO CAVE

a few millennia later, caveman gets hired as terminal manager for ACME Concrete Company….

Me:   Hey, can I get the spreadsheet by the end of the day please?

Terminal Manager:  NO PROBLEM I’LL SEND IT TO YOU AS SOON AS I CAN ALONG WITH THE OTHER REPORT YOU NEED MAN I BEEN REAL BUSY SO I’M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN.

Are you kidding me?! Where is the professionalism, the higher learning? This makes my head hurt looking at this all day! You don’t give a monkey fine china to eat with, he’s gonna break it then shit on it. Neither should a person be given a keyboard without SOME modicum of typing abilities.

Today, I’m resigned to start a movement. Much like breast cancer awareness and those bumper stickers reminding women to “feel your ta ta’s” (so cool by the way), We need stickers reminding our “10 words a minute” keyboard punchers to unlock the caps button.

How about, “Caps belong on your head, NOT ON EVERY GOD@$%#M LETTER IN A SENTENCE.”

Too much?


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