wisdom. testosterone. and a little bit of bs

mothers

10 Things Your Father Forgot To Tell You


Happy Father’s Day to all the daddy’s of the world. I’d like to start by saying my father is legend to me. The absolute best compliment I’ve ever gotten is when someone says “you act/look like your father”. my father epitomizes a gentle heart and strengthened resolve. I can only hope to match that. My unyielding thirst for knowledge was passed down through him.

Some of you weren’t so lucky. Manhood is a tough thing. There are standards, boundaries, rules that apply. A lot of you missed them for whatever reason….here are the cliff notes.

  1. Respect is a reciprocal thing. In order to get it, it must be given. Only good things can happen within these boundaries. Step out of the circle of respect and chaos is sure to erupt in some form or fashion.
  2. No one is going to take care of you past a certain age. Everything your parents have been telling you thus far was to prep you for a solo run at life. I know you’ve seen the failures…you don’t want to go that route. 30 years old at home with momma? fail. Stop asking for handouts, their nest egg isn’t yours. The retirement money doesn’t belong to you, junior.
  3. Travel. Out of the state. Out of the country. It’ll broaden your small minded view on life all while learning cultures you never knew existed except for on tv. If you thought your prom queen was the hottest thing since old episodes of Baywatch, you’re an idiot. Women vary by region, state, and country with different mindsets than your high school sweetheart “Peggy Sue”. If you are still single, relocate. you’ll be mildly surprised at the difference in the attitudes of women of other area codes.
  4. Invest. Remember “he who has the most toys wins”? Well, those toys cost. A lot. Mutual funds, CD’s, Stocks (get a financial planner early kid).
  5. Your Word. If it comes out of your mouth, then DO IT. Mean it and never go back on it. People will respect you on your word alone in some cases. Don’t be a lying little weasel that deserves to be kicked in the balls. Hmm…maybe I could start a trend, kick all liars in the ball sack. Wait no, we’d have to castrate ALL politicians and government officials…I digress, where was i?
  6. Babies. This is a no brainer. Keep your dick in your pants or use a condom if you aren’t ready to be a daddy. How do you know you aren’t ready to be a daddy you ask? If you can’t support yourself. meaning: If you can’t provide your OWN shelter, food or clothing, what makes you think you can care for an infant whose solely dependent upon you for continuing to live? Babies require sacrifice of your livelihood. Sending the baby to grandma for days on end is shirking YOUR responsibility scum bag.
  7. Never raise your hand to a woman. If you lucked up and got an psycho aggressive bi-polar crazy chick, therapy IS NOT going to help. Run away from that relationship like someone just fired a starter pistol. If you just like hitting women because it makes you feel strong, come see me. I’ll message you my address and we can determine just how strong you are…prick.
  8. Public drunkenness is not cool. You look like an idiot because you are an idiot. Maintain your dignity. Women like dignity.
  9. A woman is going to leave you or cheat on you if your sex game isn’t up to par. Oh..she’ll wait it out a bit to see if there’s any improvement, but rest assured, she’ll be on the clock for some quality dizznik. Don’t be one of those guys we laugh at behind your back. Because there’s another thing: she will tell just how bad you are. it’s a damn shame. But it’s true. Yeah, she might not tell the world, but she’s got at least one confidant that knows you ain’t shit. Elevate your game or the only thing you’ll be riding is the bench.
  10. So…you got yourself together. Career’s going, got nice man toys, got a great lady and baby makes three. congratulations, it ain’t over. The knowledge, the hard work, the perseverance now needs to be poured into your child. If you allow someone else to teach your child about life, you tripped up right at the finish line. If your child is a failure it’s because YOU failed that child. no one else. Prepare your son or daughter to sidestep all of the hardships and struggles that you went through. make it easier for them. After all, they are your legacy. Teach them everything, but place a timeline on that gift of knowledge. Too many times have I seen parents rearing their preteen kids for some adult type circumstance while the kid is more interested in his/her robots or dolls. Puberty, adolescence, adulthood have their place and are fundamental for a child’s psyche. don’t ruin that.

If you were lucky enough to have been blessed with a father to teach you some of these things, then by all means call him up today and say thank you for making me a better individual. But the truth is, he’s knows it already and is extremely proud of your accomplishments thus far.


10 things your mother forgot to tell you


mother daughterMothers often pass down unwritten rules to their daughters to prep them for the real world. To you ladies that missed out and/or didn’t listen, this is for you.

And suffice to say, it is FAR from complete. It’s just a few tidbits of what I’ve garnered in my 46+ years of existence. Some of you will gripe. I don’t care……you’re mad because I’m right.

10. Cook all you want…but a man prefers sex over biscuits any day of the week. The key to a man’s heart is comprised of many different things. cooking for him is at the bottom of that totem pole.

9. the tomboy/girl next door thing is cute, but your man still wants a lady. Keep rocking ballcaps and tennis shoes if you want. You’ll find yourself in the dugout being replaced by a new catcher at home plate. (no pun intended).

8. His friends aren’t really “your” friends. He doesn’t trust them like you think. There are rules and levels in the camaraderie of men. Especially his drinking buddies. Use common sense, before you find yourself in an awkward situation.

7. It really is all about the “Presentation”. the hippie movement isn’t making a comeback and you’re not from some obscure European country. groom yourself….muttonchops on the inner thigh is nasty.

6. Your BFF of many years will sleep with your man and go shopping with you the very next day. Yep, there are women like this, and the funny part is that they aren’t skanky or slutty. They want to test drive what you have. plain and simple. sad, but true.

5. If you don’t want to raise a dysfunctional son:

a. don’t separate him from his father (a good father) even in a divorce.

b. don’t bad mouth the father within earshot of your child.

Why? because once you crush a boy’s hero…once you remove his mentor, his blueprint to life, who is he going to learn from? you? no offense single moms, you don’t have the kahunas to turn a boy into a real man…there must be a male role model in his life. Trust me, unbeknownst to you, there will be a deficiency.

4. Do not bring your dates around your children too soon. that’s such a great example of relationship building. Your daughter will mimic you, and your son will assume you’re easy. (and that’s putting it nicely). Oh, and the kids will tell their father, who will roll up on your new beau at the most inopportune time.

3. Number four leads into three…Just like sons need fathers, daughters need their mothers. you are her blueprint to womanhood. She’s watching you and mimicking all of your actions….ALL OF THEM. the phrase, “do as I say, not as I do” is null and void. so it goes without saying, if you’re on the pole….

2. Feminism…for the most part, is cool if you’re a lesbian or a bitch. (I can hear emails flooding my inbox now).

1. Feminism and independence go hand in hand. and too much of that said independence will usurp your man’s headship. Doing this WILL cause him to resent you. He’s going to feel castrated. Yeah, I grew up old school, but far from chauvinistic as you probably have formed that opinion of me already, I don’t care. Look, if you’re really feeling incensed over what I’ve written, let me soothe your ruffled feather a bit. Even though I grew up in the bible belt, I’m not churchy and have never been given to quoting biblical references. Generally, I let my actions speak for me, but… 1 Corinthians 11:3 ” Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of every woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

As I said before, this list is far from complete. But if you only take one thing from this blog, make sure you understand that raising your children APPROPRIATELY comes first. As a man, my goal is to ensure my son is prepared in all aspects of life. To make his journey easier than mine, to tutor him on life’s trek. Ladies…THAT IS THE LEAST YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR DAUGHTERS.


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