all things Y Chromosome…


Resolute Ideas

2010 is over. Thank God. It’s been a rollercoaster ride from hell, from natural disasters to the ongoing ever present recession, things have not been nice (putting it mildly). Nevertheless tonight, err….tomorrow begins a new year, new beginnings, new chances, new opportunities and for a lot a people, new resolutions.

I can tell my age is catching up to me. Because this year, my resolution is so far removed from the norm, it signifies the next step in my learning process. my own personal maturation in life. Or to repeat what my wife says “my Buddhist Monk” like ways.

As much as our President has touted change, I fear there will be none. At least not in our lifetime or not in the manner in which we expect. And that got me to thinking….why? Really, why can’t we change? As a whole, once we reach adulthood most people are set in their ways like super glued concrete shoes, only changing when traumatic events unfold.

Our only chance is our children.

Children are full of creativity and ideas that are unrestricted by boundaries and prejudices. Children can provide the change we need to TRULY make this world a better place. It starts at home, in your neighborhoods, in your cities. Stop dashing your child’s dreams. Give them positive reinforcement all of the time. Support their goals. Teach them. They are apt to learn life quicker from you than from a stranger in the form of public schooling.

My New Year’s resolution?  To inspire all youth. Whenever and wherever I can.

Think for a second if we all did that, what would begin to transpire. So instead of trying to lose 10lbs off your fat ass in a gym program that you won’t stick with, why not volunteer at a local Boy’s and Girl’s club? Or start a tutoring program? There’s also Big Brothers/Sisters programs.

I can’t be the only person who can see that as a whole, adults have failed miserably. It’s time to hit the reset button and give our children a chance to right our wrongs.

What’s YOUR New Year’s Resolution?

Clash of the Titans 3D

I am not a movie critic. Nor do I express the desire to become one in the near future. But when filmmakers of the remake start to pull an R. Kelly on it’s audiences SOMETHING has to be said.

I don’t even know where to start first. Oh, wait…yes I do. WHERE IS THE 3D?!? Did I really just spend extra money on a feature that enticed me in the first place, only to see a handful of scenes ACTUALLY in 3D? At some point in the movie I snatched the stupid glasses off and watched normally. It’s gotta be a new plot to make people sit and look like asses with ineffective horned rimmed glasses on. Some producer is laughing his ass off as everyone becomes honorary members of the Geek Squad.

After realizing I’d been R Kelly’d (if you really have to ask, you should probably go lie down, its past your bedtime), I noticed something else: This movie is the “cliff notes” of the original in 1981. You know how you fast forward x 4 shows on your DVR? That’s precisely how it felt watching this movie.

To the average movie goer, It’s an dumb plot, slightly action packed CGfest. For me I felt duped, let down, my intelligence insulted, in other words, pissed on by the director of this film. I’ll have you know they actually made shit up totally incongruent with mythology.  Any fan or student of Greek mythology will let you know right away that Medusa IS NOT a Titan. She’s of the Gorgon familial. What? I wasn’t a muscle head all my life, I kept my head in books. Greek Mythology was one of them.

One more thing: In the beginning of this movie they narrate to you the relationship between the Titans and the Olympic gods. The Titans are the fathers of Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades. They even tell you that Hades created the Kraken in order to defeat the Titans. If someone can point out to me a Titan clashing against anyone in this movie, I’ll pay you cash.

If my memory serves me correctly I can name a few Titans. Kronos, Hyperion, and Rhea. They are a few of the popular ones not in this movie. This movie was essentially about Zeus vs Hades with a frigging lightsaber thrown in for good measure (no I’m not making that last part up).

I wish I had two extra hands so I could give this movie 4 thumbs down.

To Regal Cinemas, YOU FAIL SO HARD ITS INEXPLICABLE!  UPGRADE YOUR STADIUM SEATS AND HIRE PROFESSIONAL CLEANERS!  Movie theaters aren’t supposed to smell like nursing homes. And anyone 6’ft and above has no leg room.


Mid-Life Madness

I’m bored.

In less than 12 hours I’ll age another year, and yet I am completely unfazed. All the rhetoric surrounding birthdays is designed to do what exactly? The cakes, the parties, the sheer drunkeness (if that’s your kind of thing) is supposed to be a celebration of life? Or…is all the fanfare and festivities just a mere distraction from what you should be doing. Self evaluation. a gut check. I like to think of birthdays as milestone markers where I take out my compass and see what direction in life I’m headed in.

My friends think that I become a somber cynical rattlesnake the days surrounding my birthday. The truth… my eyes are wide open to everything. In my deepest moments of self reflection, I see things from an “outside looking in” standpoint where I become super critical of myself and the world as I see it. All the facades, all the bs we normally take on the chin, all the societal dances that we do, all fade away for me during this time. I gotta tell you, it’s all funny as hell. Straight up comic relief. I can’t help but to laugh at the lengths we go through. Why? to get a job? to get a date? to get the respect you deserve? to be someone else’s idea of a “good” person? Every year, I take a step away from the “norm”. And when I look back, I say to myself, “what the hell was I thinking?!”

Man, why couldn’t I have had this mentality 20 years ago? We all say it, Hindsight is 20/20. I’ve actually come to realize that wouldn’t have been a good move for me. I know now that it was, and still is the journey not the destination, that’s where all the fun stuff happens. The path lesser walked. Google maps ain’t gonna get me there.

This upcoming year I’m going off-road.  See ya in 2010.

PS.  Shout outs to the drunken Christmas carolers of Middleburg, Florida.  FYI, ghetto rednecks, booze and a tortured version of  “Silent Night” is not a good look.  lmfao. WHO FRIGGIN CAROLS THESE DAYS?!? I should add…with sincerity. I still love you guys tho…

NFL Sunday Ticket

Buyer beware!

There is trickery afoot…..not to mention some bullsh*t. “Get all 13 games in high definition”. (oh did we forget to mention that the HD channels were extra?) Our bad. Aww, is your game blacked out locally? What a coincidence, its seems ours is too.

Directv is getting worse every year with it’s NFL packages. It’s nothing short of disgusting. But here’s the real kicker, something the fine print failed to mention: the big three: ABC, NBC, CBS are redoing their contracts with the NFL. Last year, if your team aired on CBS, it was not going to be shown on the vainglorious 1080p HD of Sunday ticket. No…CBS aired it in standard version, 720 at best (cheap bastards).

Before you go, “Dennis stop making stuff up”, I got this juicy bit of intel after being on hold for an hour and a half from a Directv rep. Seriously. You know what, I’m gonna place a call to the feds or the DEA, because someone over at the NFL is smoking some of the finest crack money can buy. Watch a Thursday night game and see if they don’t call it Monday night football…Only crackheads and Alzheimer patients don’t know what day it is.

Which way would you have it: they’re smoking crack OR they say we’re so incredibly stupid we won’t notice. Another sign that they believe we’re as smart as a box of rocks: The giant HD screen in Dallas stadium. I guess even the fools are bigger and better in Texas, because if I have to leave my house, drive to the stadium and pay to watch the game on another tv (albeit a larger one), I deserved to be fleeced of all my money.

The NFL should just rob us at gunpoint. Oh wait, I forgot. It’s hard to find good help that isn’t 2009’s version of Barney Fife.(yes I’m talking about you, Plaxico Burress).

As for NFL Sunday ticket…it’s over, done. Like Minnesota’s season with Brett Favre. (what the hell were they thinking, he’s my age and I’m in better shape).

Edit: okay, I’m older than Brett Favre but in waaay better shape and a lot more handsome by a longshot.

iPhone Crack

I admit it.

I cannot function (well) without my iPhone. Uh huh, that’s right…3 days max is probably all I’d go without it tethered to me in some form or fashion. The sad thing is that I’m not alone. Millions of you are in the same boat I’m in.

My iPhone I’m sure, functions for at least 4-5 devices currently in your house. My list of iPhone apps will amaze some of you non-tech people.

I won’t go into how many movies and tv shows I have, but there’s easily 45-50 gigs to cycle through.(for you old timey people that’s roughly 80-100 trips to Blockbuster).

I have so much music that I’m frequently asked to DJ parties I attend.(especially if the current DJ is garbage).

I can rent a movie download it and watch it on your tv, buy tickets, make reservations on the fly…now that I’m thinking on it, start my car too.

In a nutshell, I’m never bored. If I happen to pull out my iPhone longer than 30 seconds during a conversation with you, it means YOU ARE BORING.

I guess connected and in control is what I feel. It’s the exact same with “crackberries”(BlackBerries) except way cooler. Yes, other phones are starting to catch up to the iPhone with their little bells and whistles, kudos to them.

The Blackberry Storm: I wish I had 2 extra hands so I could give it four thumbs down. There are a couple of decent BlackBerrys, this ain’t one of them.

The G2: mmm, it’s ok, bulky though. Who wants a Hardees thickburger in their pocket? Not me.

I can’t stress it enough, quality over quantity. I’ve accidentally kicked my phone across a gas station parking lot. Got a few scratches but that was it.

You got iPhone beef? Let’s hear it. C’mon Cleatus, c’mon…


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 213 other followers