wisdom. testosterone. and a little bit of bs

Posts tagged “friends

The Pessimist, the Cynic, and the Ne’er Do Well


Please….shut up already, you leech, you vampire, you succubus. I can feel you draining all of my optimistic soul with your chronic complaining and pessimism. Yes life is a struggle, I get it. Just stop talking about how miserable your life is and DO something about it.

I have my own issues to contend with. I’m making positive strides forward, then you come along with your black cloud of mope and despair overcasting my day. Fortunately, I have one of those pro golf sized “mental umbrellas” to keep me dry from your gale force tirades of drama. Spare me your relationship episodes, you’re not David Duchovny on Californication. I could care less about how your wife emasculates you….wait, what did you call it, “she’s assertive and likes wearing the pants” so instead of watching the playoffs Sunday afternoon, you’re down at the flea market shopping for discounted trinkets and bootleg romantic comedy dvd’s.

The next person to attempt to trample one of my good spirited days with their “cup is almost empty” demeanor, deserves a Rick James to Charlie Murphy open handed slap. Seriously. I’m on a mission. Because your train derailed, you want to plant bombs on my tracks? If life is sooooo bad, give up. Stop trying. Kill yourself. More food for us. Still here? Pussy…or is it that your life isn’t that bad afterall huh?

The next step isn’t so easy. Depressing people travel in packs, infecting others like a virus adding to the collective. You have got to break away from the other crabs if you want to change your mindset. And don’t think they won’t notice. “why’d you stop calling? oh, you too good to hang with us now? Hey I just wrecked my car for the 3rd time can I get a ride? Hey girl, so and so was talking about you. I just wanted to let you know. What’s up man, I just quit my bullshit job. Naw, I ain’t got nothing lined up just yet tho…mind if I hang out for a few days?”

Good luck escaping. If you did manage to escape, your circle is extremely smaller now isn’t it? Google+ won’t be happy (lol if you don’t get that it’s ok, the joke wasn’t for you).

I had an intellectual discussion with a good friend of mine last night until 3am. It’s amazing what conversations stem from Grand Marnier and blue mist hookahs….I digress, where was I? One topic involved goals, aspirations, and the means to reach them. Have you met yours? what prevented you? what’s stopping you now? At what point do you concede? the conclusion obviously, is that the infrastructure of any goal you set forth is planning. Then it hit me like a ton a bricks. 35-40% of the people I knew, didn’t plan for shit. Most of them are already out of my life, the few remaining handful will probably become case studies for this blog in the near future.

It’s 2012 people. time to become extremely independent and get off the teat. Bad things will happen soon. PLAN AHEAD.(damn have I been infected by the cynics?) Time to develop some survivalist skills just in case of some post apocalyptic scenario. I recommend the three H’s. Hunting, Horticulture and Whoring…yes yes I know, I know. It was just fun to say.

Through playing with y’all.


Facebook Episode 1


I have a confession. I stealth on Facebook and hide myself online because my friend’s list is 85% friends and 15% unknown psychotic waiting-to-have-an-episode nutjobs. So…better send me a message, cause I will never “pop” online…ha ha.

I don’t even know where to start with Facebook. Between the virtual farm crack addicts or Facebook admin giving pantie shots of my privacy away. There’s SO much. And it’s daunting for some. Why are you sitting behind your monitor laughing, knowing your best friend’s page is jacked up, or the girl you graduated high school with somehow manages to murder the english language via text as if she were illiterate. but we graduated together….right?

*steps up on soapbox* ATTENTION AVERAGE FACEBOOK USERS! You are not Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, you are not John Fitzgerald Kennedy…stop with the quotes and the “positive” messages. You motivate no one but yourself. Now, if someone messages you and tells you that your message helped them make it through the day, by all means keep it up…but after, oh let’s say 9 or 10 posts of cut and pasted plagiarization and you get zero feedback, you lose 128,125,128,523 points in motivational skills and should move on to recipes for crock pots. *steps down from soapbox*

So Facebook has become the virtual social hub of our existence. Our identity online right? Yet some of you…I ain’t saying names, have been on Facebook for at least a year with no picture (or an up to date one). Who are you hiding from? Or should I say, what are you hiding from us? You in witness protection? Were you horribly disfigured? Do you not own a digital camera? Actually, the last one isn’t an excuse….turn your phone over and push the button on the side.

No pic in a year? Delete your account today.

There is just sooo much wrong with Facebook, yet I faithfully log in to “see” what my family and friends are up to, post pics of weekend activities, and report the weirdos.

My message of the day Facebook users: Moderation is key. Too much of a good thing is bad for you.


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