Who decided what foods to call breakfast? I need to have a talk with him, and by talk I mean clubbing him over the head with a sock full of frozen sausage patties. Everyone at the US Department of Agriculture (USDA) should be force fed MRE’s for not updating an antiquated food pyramid since the great depression. Why wouldn’t they…..oh wait. Lobbyists. If I’m slinging corn and wheat like a meth dealer, what better way is there than to get the government to declare it’s healthy and you must eat it. All while getting subsidies to grow more. It’s a win win.
America is BEYOND being the fattest country. There is a myriad of reasons for that, however for brevity I’m going to focus only on one. Our diet. We eat for luxury. we eat for boredom. we eat for fun. we eat to soothe depression. we eat for celebration. Why in God’s name do we eat past 7-8 o’clock pm I’ll never know. Wait, yes I do. Marketing. You’ve seen food commercials in HD. Your pupils dilate, your brain releases endorphins, and you just gotta have it. I get it. Eating for sustenance hasn’t been cool since the Great Depression, but gorging yourself late night watching a Netflix marathon is a surefire way to cardiac arrest.
You know what the average breakfast at Denny’s or an IHOP is? Stacks of pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, AND hash browns with toast. I can feel my glucose levels rising just talking about it. All carbs and fat is not an ideal way to break your fast. WHERE IS THE DAMN PROTEIN? In the eggs? Sure, if I wanted the figure of a prepubescent boy. It’s too miniscule an amount for any athletic person. No one wants to eat 6-8 eggs every day, although it wouldn’t be a first for me. Bacon? Sausage? Let me be clear…I’ve eaten a whole pack of bacon and it was delicious and oh so satisfying and I wasn’t ashamed in the slightest, but I’m not trying to stroke out from high blood pressure either. Not gonna lie…I might Ka-Bar you (stab you with a very large fighting knife) over a plate of bacon. I will NEVER become muslim. Give up pork? Hell Naw!
Shit..let me focus, I’m starting to smell bacon and no one’s cooking.
And stop subscribing to nonsense. I’m looking at you Facebook denizens. Chicken, fish and beef are FINE to eat in the morning. Protein = Amino Acids = Muscle =healthy fat burning metabolism all day long as long as your body is in motion. Ever had chicken and broccoli for breakfast? I have. And I’ve gotten weird looks like I was breaking some secret code or something. Meanwhile some programmed fat kid a table across from me is huffing down flapjacks like they’re discontinued.
Expand your dietary horizons. Eat better. And stop eating after the sun sets. That shit isn’t natural. Unless you’re a bat. But they don’t eat during the day. Does that make the bat smarter that you? Listen to your body. It will tell you what it needs it just takes a little practice.
Stop labeling foods and when to eat them. And quit posting diets on FB as an affirmation to your intent, posting pedometer miles is better. you’re faking the funk and we know it.
Paleo for the win. I like Steve Kamb’s site. http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2010/10/04/the-beginners-guide-to-the-paleo-diet/
Educate yourself on what food actually does to your body and perhaps you’ll be just that closer to achieving whatever goals you’re striving for.
Ladies, question: where do you stand on your limitations regarding a relationship? You want to know what men talk about at the roundtable while enjoying wine, spirits and ale? This is always a hot topic. Ok, before I dive deep into this topic let me clarify something real quick. The title may move some of you to believe it’s a “thug” related blog. WRONG. Couldn’t be further from the truth.
Every man wants that “Ride or die chick”…..A quick google search will have you believing that a ride or die chick is a woman that will simply fight with and for her man. well…that’s the little boy’s version. And by little boy I mean definitively speaking: under 26, wakes up and smokes weed, and/or makes less than 20k LEGALLY, wears skinny jeans and/or sags, is semi dependent on his mother, I’m referring to him.
For us professionals….a woman who can blend in with the fellas COMFORTABLY, ie; sports, games, etcetera etcetera, attend a debutante ball with the poise of a princess, sit in on a board meeting and contribute, knock back shots at happy hour, and go from urban to proper vernacular in the blink of an eye, is a ride or die chick.
She doesn’t have to fight for/with us….although a sub compact 25 or snub nosed 38 (preferably smith&wesson) in the purse is an added bonus, albeit irrelevant.
A man wants a well versed and well rounded mate. (not in the literal sense fat asses, log some miles on that pedometer already) If you persist in keeping to some of the old ways, you’re going to find yourself matronly and alone. and who want’s that? A lot of you in Jacksonville Florida, based on all the stories I’m hearing. Yes, Jacksonville…I just put some of your trifling asses out there. Again. What’s wrong with you hillbillies and hoodrats? Thank God I imported….
All I hear is, my girl, my wife, my significant other, is verbally (sometimes physically) trying to emasculate me. Seriously? (taps the mic) Is this thing on? Ladies wanting a successful relationship, stop making a “punk” out of your man. The very moment you disrespect his manhood, you have just pushed the emergency stop button on the relationship. …no man is going to tolerate that bullshit and remain faithful to you. Oh, he’ll still sleep with you (because let’s face it sex IS sex) but he won’t give a damn about you. Nope, he’ll continue looking for a woman that doesn’t keep testes in her purse.
So…continue not catering to your man. Continue your petty games in which you seek to control, steer, and ration. good luck with that. Not all men are mesmerized and entranced by the vajayjay. Correction YOUR vajayjay….there’s some next door.
By the way, to you ladies referencing that Steve Harvey book. Last I checked every single relationship is different. no set rules. no set boundaries. how can Mr caterpillar mustache interpretation’s help you? His experiences, his relationships….yeah, his advice is a solid match and will fit along perfectly in yours. Lemme know how that works out for you….I’ll wait, shouldn’t take long.
My advice? No, not my advice, it’s been around for ages…”What it took to get your mate is what it’s going to take to keep your mate”. Switch the game up midstream if you want, and find yourself on PlentyOfFish.com with other matronly singles who hadn’t felt a man’s crotch since the Clinton administration.
Through playing wit cha’ll.
Please….shut up already, you leech, you vampire, you succubus. I can feel you draining all of my optimistic soul with your chronic complaining and pessimism. Yes life is a struggle, I get it. Just stop talking about how miserable your life is and DO something about it.
I have my own issues to contend with. I’m making positive strides forward, then you come along with your black cloud of mope and despair overcasting my day. Fortunately, I have one of those pro golf sized “mental umbrellas” to keep me dry from your gale force tirades of drama. Spare me your relationship episodes, you’re not David Duchovny on Californication. I could care less about how your wife emasculates you….wait, what did you call it, “she’s assertive and likes wearing the pants” so instead of watching the playoffs Sunday afternoon, you’re down at the flea market shopping for discounted trinkets and bootleg romantic comedy dvd’s.
The next person to attempt to trample one of my good spirited days with their “cup is almost empty” demeanor, deserves a Rick James to Charlie Murphy open handed slap. Seriously. I’m on a mission. Because your train derailed, you want to plant bombs on my tracks? If life is sooooo bad, give up. Stop trying. Kill yourself. More food for us. Still here? Pussy…or is it that your life isn’t that bad afterall huh?
The next step isn’t so easy. Depressing people travel in packs, infecting others like a virus adding to the collective. You have got to break away from the other crabs if you want to change your mindset. And don’t think they won’t notice. “why’d you stop calling? oh, you too good to hang with us now? Hey I just wrecked my car for the 3rd time can I get a ride? Hey girl, so and so was talking about you. I just wanted to let you know. What’s up man, I just quit my bullshit job. Naw, I ain’t got nothing lined up just yet tho…mind if I hang out for a few days?”
Good luck escaping. If you did manage to escape, your circle is extremely smaller now isn’t it? Google+ won’t be happy (lol if you don’t get that it’s ok, the joke wasn’t for you).
I had an intellectual discussion with a good friend of mine last night until 3am. It’s amazing what conversations stem from Grand Marnier and blue mist hookahs….I digress, where was I? One topic involved goals, aspirations, and the means to reach them. Have you met yours? what prevented you? what’s stopping you now? At what point do you concede? the conclusion obviously, is that the infrastructure of any goal you set forth is planning. Then it hit me like a ton a bricks. 35-40% of the people I knew, didn’t plan for shit. Most of them are already out of my life, the few remaining handful will probably become case studies for this blog in the near future.
It’s 2012 people. time to become extremely independent and get off the teat. Bad things will happen soon. PLAN AHEAD.(damn have I been infected by the cynics?) Time to develop some survivalist skills just in case of some post apocalyptic scenario. I recommend the three H’s. Hunting, Horticulture and Whoring…yes yes I know, I know. It was just fun to say.
Through playing with y’all.
Mid-term elections are here. Got your condoms and K-Y? You’ll be needing them….because politicians are about to rain down an orgy of spins, mud slinging, baby kissing, hand shaking, and leery smiling promises, only to completely renege as soon as they get in office. They should skip the $200 hundred dollar fundraiser dinners and take us right to the hotel, because you KNOW what happens next.
The campaign trail is nothing more than a glorified lap dance across America. “If you have money, I’ll show you what I MIGHT do for you.”
No one can say I’m not a Patriot. I’ve served this country proudly during my tenure in the United Sates Navy. But what the hell happened to the United States Congress? I remember how the Senate and the House of Representatives USED to be. Now, Congress is just one large brothel. Everyone is screwing and/or screwing over everyone else…literally. Let’s see if I have this right: U.S. taxpayers pay their salary, Congressmen in turn, listen to our needs in earnest, then decidedly do exactly the opposite. Sounds like a bad night in Vegas if you ask me.
Oh, and if you think for one second that the parties aren’t secretly working together behind our backs, you’re naive. Someone explain to me why as a nation of voters, there is only a two party system…waitaminute didn’t there used to be more? I wonder what happened to them? hmmm, go figure.
The President? figurehead, scapegoat, fall guy, patsy, mark, sucker….I could go on, but I think you get my meaning. He does nothing. He can suggest until he’s blue in the face like the Na’Vi from Avatar. Don’t believe me? ok…the military: controlled by the Joint Chiefs of Staff. the Prez doesn’t make a move without them. Laws: nope. He can’t pass a bill unless Congress allows it. (and of course Congress is bribed by whoever has a lot of money, they’re called lobbyist.) So…what exactly is he doing again? Nothing, but misdirecting your hate. Or love , if you’re into that sorta thing. You sitting down? We haven’t had a real president since Kennedy. And “they” shot him for it. Oh snap, they shot Lincoln too…and a warning shot was all it took for Reagan to play along with the program.
Rape is termed as sexual intercourse with another person WITHOUT that person’s consent. The way we’re getting screwed, somebody needs to press charges on the House AND the Senate. It’s all about money. It always was. Scratch that, no it wasn’t. “WE THE PEOPLE” use to mean something. So much so that our forefathers began the constitution with it. I am going to quote something from Franklin and Jefferson to some of you unread denizens. (pick up a history book sometimes and stop reading People magazine.)
“I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous than standing armies… if the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of currency… the banks and corporations that will grow up around them will deprave the people of their prosperity until their children wake up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered.”
“I am the most unhappy man. I have unwittingly ruined my country. A great industrial nation is now controlled by its system of credit.
We are no longer a government by free opinion, no longer a government by conviction and the vote of the majority, but a government by the opinion and duress of a small group of dominant men.”
Wow….we are soooo fucked.
Oh, one more thing: ALVIN GREENE?!? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU SOUTH CAROLINA!?!? SERIOUSLY? IT’S PAINFULLY OBVIOUS SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THAT DUDE. THE ENTIRE STATE CANNOT NOT BE THAT BLIND. DID YOU GUYS START UP INBREEDING? SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH HIM!!!!!!! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.